did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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