Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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