two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
