Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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