I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
