I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize