I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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