No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i out mim tonsoeep
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