Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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