She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
