You made me cry and you don't even care
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I just went to clothing optional bar
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
