let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
