I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
