it was like his penis was on wheels.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
