Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
