North Korea, Best Korea!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
