pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dignity is for republicans.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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