How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
