You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
