Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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