Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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