Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
vagina is talking i cant
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
