my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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