So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
