Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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