how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
