it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
