But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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