You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
