If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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