His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
