I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
