i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
