ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize