i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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