We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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