Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
