Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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