i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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