please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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