I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
