I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
