I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
