Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
