When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
