he was CRYING into my vagina
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize