My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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