jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
