hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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