dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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