Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
