apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
