This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
