There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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