Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
