I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So here I am, sexting at work.
Will exercising make me less horny?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
