I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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