she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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