When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
