Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
