Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
