my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
